“How to Be Yours,” a 2016 Filipino romantic drama starring Bea Alonzo and Gerald Anderson, asks a fundamental question: How can two individuals with different life goals and aspirations build a lasting relationship? The film answers this by portraying a couple navigating the complexities of balancing personal ambitions with the demands of commitment, ultimately suggesting that open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to compromise are crucial for long-term relationship success.
The Core Themes of “How to Be Yours”
“How to Be Yours” isn’t just a love story; it’s a commentary on the modern Filipino relationship. The film delves into the anxieties and pressures felt by young professionals attempting to build a future while also nurturing a romantic partnership. It tackles themes of individual identity, career aspirations, and the sacrifices required for a lasting commitment.
Defining Success: Personal vs. Shared
The crux of the conflict lies in the differing definitions of success held by Anj (Alonzo), a self-made sales agent determined to climb the corporate ladder, and Niño (Anderson), a chef with dreams of opening his own restaurant. Their divergent paths force them to confront a critical question: Can their individual ambitions coexist, or must one be sacrificed for the other? The movie doesn’t offer easy answers, but it emphasizes the importance of openly discussing individual goals and finding common ground.
The Power of Communication and Compromise
Throughout the film, a lack of communication and a reluctance to compromise fuel their disagreements. Misunderstandings accumulate, creating resentment and pushing them further apart. “How to Be Yours” underscores the vital role of honest and transparent communication in bridging the gaps created by differing perspectives. Furthermore, it highlights that compromise, while sometimes painful, is often necessary to sustain a relationship over the long haul. This isn’t about one person sacrificing everything, but about finding solutions that respect both partners’ needs and desires.
Self-Awareness and Personal Growth
Ultimately, the film showcases the importance of self-awareness and personal growth within a relationship. Both Anj and Niño need to understand their own needs and motivations, as well as those of their partner, to navigate the challenges they face. Their journey is one of learning to see beyond their individual perspectives and appreciating the value of a shared future. The movie suggests that lasting love requires not only initial attraction but also a continuous effort to understand, support, and grow alongside one’s partner.
How to Be Yours: Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Here are some frequently asked questions to provide a deeper understanding of the film’s themes and their relevance to real-life relationships.
FAQ 1: What are the biggest relationship challenges portrayed in “How to Be Yours”?
The film realistically portrays several common relationship challenges, including:
- Conflicting career goals: When partners prioritize different aspects of their careers, it can lead to tension and resentment.
- Communication breakdown: A lack of open and honest communication can create misunderstandings and erode trust.
- Differing expectations: Unrealistic or unarticulated expectations can lead to disappointment and conflict.
- External pressures: Family and societal expectations can exert pressure on the relationship.
- Personal insecurities: Individual insecurities can manifest as jealousy, possessiveness, and control.
FAQ 2: How does “How to Be Yours” portray Filipino societal expectations in relationships?
The film subtly touches upon the pressure on Filipino women to prioritize family and relationships over career advancement. Anj faces unspoken expectations from her family to settle down and potentially sacrifice her professional aspirations. Similarly, Niño feels the pressure to provide financially for his family, which influences his career choices. The movie highlights how these societal expectations can shape individual decisions and impact relationships.
FAQ 3: What is the significance of the film’s ending?
The ending, while somewhat ambiguous, suggests that genuine love involves letting go and allowing each other to pursue individual goals, even if it means separation. It emphasizes that sometimes, loving someone means supporting their dreams, even if those dreams lead them down a different path. The audience is left to ponder whether their paths will eventually converge again, but the message is clear: love is not about control or ownership, but about mutual respect and understanding.
FAQ 4: Does “How to Be Yours” promote the idea of sacrificing one’s dreams for love?
While the film explores the sacrifices involved in relationships, it doesn’t necessarily advocate for abandoning one’s dreams entirely. Instead, it suggests that finding a balance between personal ambitions and relationship needs is crucial. It emphasizes the importance of communication and compromise in navigating these choices. The ideal outcome is not necessarily sacrificing one’s dreams, but finding ways to integrate them into the relationship or support each other’s pursuit of individual goals.
FAQ 5: What are some practical communication strategies couples can learn from “How to Be Yours”?
The film highlights the importance of:
- Active listening: Truly hearing and understanding your partner’s perspective.
- Expressing needs clearly: Articulating your own needs and desires in a constructive manner.
- Avoiding assumptions: Not jumping to conclusions or assuming you know what your partner is thinking.
- Scheduling dedicated time for conversation: Creating space to discuss important issues without distractions.
- Seeking professional help: Considering couples therapy if communication challenges persist.
FAQ 6: How does the film address the issue of trust in relationships?
While not explicitly a central theme, trust is implicitly present. When communication falters and misunderstandings arise, trust is eroded. The film underscores the need to be honest and transparent with your partner to maintain and build trust. It also subtly highlights the importance of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and avoiding assumptions that can undermine trust.
FAQ 7: What role does family play in the relationship dynamics depicted in “How to Be Yours”?
Family plays a significant, albeit subtle, role. Both Anj and Niño are influenced by their families’ expectations and needs. Anj feels pressure to conform to traditional gender roles, while Niño feels obligated to provide financial support to his family. These family dynamics add another layer of complexity to their relationship and highlight the challenges of balancing personal desires with familial responsibilities.
FAQ 8: Is “How to Be Yours” relevant to relationships outside of the Filipino context?
While rooted in the Filipino cultural context, the film’s themes of communication, compromise, ambition, and sacrifice are universal and resonate with couples across cultures. The challenges of balancing personal goals with relationship needs are common experiences regardless of cultural background.
FAQ 9: How does the film portray the emotional impact of long working hours on a relationship?
The long working hours of both Anj and Niño contribute to the strain on their relationship. They have less time for each other, leading to feelings of isolation and neglect. This emphasizes the importance of prioritizing quality time together and finding ways to maintain connection despite busy schedules.
FAQ 10: What are some signs that a couple may need to re-evaluate their relationship goals?
“How to Be Yours” indirectly suggests that couples should re-evaluate their relationship goals when:
- Communication breaks down frequently.
- Resentment builds up over time.
- Individual needs are consistently ignored.
- There is a lack of shared vision for the future.
- One or both partners feel suffocated or unfulfilled.
FAQ 11: What does the film suggest about the importance of individual identity within a relationship?
The film strongly implies that maintaining a sense of individual identity is essential for a healthy relationship. Anj and Niño struggle when they start to lose sight of their own goals and desires. The movie suggests that a fulfilling relationship allows both partners to grow as individuals while also supporting each other’s aspirations.
FAQ 12: Beyond romantic love, what other types of love does “How to Be Yours” touch upon?
While primarily focused on romantic love, “How to Be Yours” also touches upon themes of familial love and the sacrifices it often entails. Niño’s dedication to his family highlights the strong sense of obligation and responsibility that is often characteristic of Filipino family dynamics. The film also implicitly acknowledges the importance of self-love, as both characters need to understand their own needs and motivations before they can truly connect with each other.
In conclusion, “How to Be Yours” serves as a poignant reminder that building a lasting relationship requires continuous effort, open communication, and a willingness to navigate the complexities of balancing individual ambitions with shared goals. While the journey is fraught with challenges, the film suggests that the rewards of genuine connection and mutual support are well worth the effort.